Understanding Engineers Take One

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get
such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three (Engineer in Heaven)

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.. Peter checks His dossier
and says, "Ah, you're an engineer-you're in the wrong place." So the engineer
reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and
building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush
toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God
calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.
We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no
telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What???
You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down
there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the
staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU
going to get a lawyer?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look
at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said,
"Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe
that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to
spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with
his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist
said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found
there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and
you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up
the frog and put it in his pocket. T he frog spoke up again and said, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer
took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and
that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss
me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed,
but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had
solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the
challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly
stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.