23 Times Life Decided to Suck
Nathan Johnson
Published
07/07/2021
in
ouch
Sometimes life is simply unkind. Sometimes it simply does not care.
It can be sort of like that unhinged psychopath who kidnapped most of the eBaums World interns last summer and released them into a maze filled with traps, Ninja Warrior-style obstacles and one very real minotaur.
Life can have a cruel sense of humor too. Similar to the aforementioned psychopath who placed arrows on the floor of the maze, ostensibly leading to the way out -- without ever mentioning the fact that there was no way out at all. Just an endless, circular maze.
Life is full of the unexpected. Like that psychopath's maze -- specifically, the fact that one of the interns did finally manage to escape by slaying the minotaur, donning its pelt, and feigning injury until I -- I mean the psychopath -- had emerged from the secret panel in one of the walls to inspect it.
By the time I found the pelt, he was already gone, leaving me all alone in an empty, blood-spattered maze with silence as my only companion. And that was a very bad day. But as bad the one these people were having.
It can be sort of like that unhinged psychopath who kidnapped most of the eBaums World interns last summer and released them into a maze filled with traps, Ninja Warrior-style obstacles and one very real minotaur.
Life can have a cruel sense of humor too. Similar to the aforementioned psychopath who placed arrows on the floor of the maze, ostensibly leading to the way out -- without ever mentioning the fact that there was no way out at all. Just an endless, circular maze.
Life is full of the unexpected. Like that psychopath's maze -- specifically, the fact that one of the interns did finally manage to escape by slaying the minotaur, donning its pelt, and feigning injury until I -- I mean the psychopath -- had emerged from the secret panel in one of the walls to inspect it.
By the time I found the pelt, he was already gone, leaving me all alone in an empty, blood-spattered maze with silence as my only companion. And that was a very bad day. But as bad the one these people were having.
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1.
Lost my phone at a construction site today. Found it a little later… -
2.
Neighbor paid for tree removal under the table. -
3.
In ten seconds I’m going to discover the value of lifejackets and renter’s insurance. -
4.
My son teased his sister and she threw a Switch controller at my parent’s 75″ TV. -
5.
Enjoying the last few bites of my sandwich when… -
6.
Waited five years for this cactus to bloom. Leaving for a five-day trip, I noticed this. -
7.
Ordered a new chlorinator for the pool, the instructions came on VHS. -
8.
My mother took up a haircutting course 9 years ago. With just little practice she confidently lured my brother in for a haircut. This is the result. -
9.
A friend of mine hid my AirPods in a box of chicken nuggets that I proceeded to microwave without opening the box. -
10.
Ate half a head of broccoli only to discover it was full of bugs. -
11.
My friend fell down the stairs in our Airbnb. -
12.
My town’s only Burger King burned down yesterday, taking flame-grilled burgers to the next level. -
13.
Tanned a bit too much while wearing shoes. Kids call them my chimp feet. -
14.
My AC exploded on a recording-breaking heat wave in Oregon. -
15.
Accidentally made a magnifying glass when rain gathered on crash wrap covering a busted sunroof. -
16.
Trying to catch a cactus that your cat knocked over… -
17.
My freezer broke 2 days ago and I didn’t notice so now all of the meat we had in it is bad. -
18.
My Mom ran over a mattress on the way home and it got caught under the rear driver side wheel and caught fire. -
19.
Our entire hotel got seized by police on the first morning of our honeymoon. -
20.
No collision or vandalism. The window just decided it didn’t want to be a part of our car anymore. -
21.
Two teams of builders building bike lane “on the right side” (Mariupol, Ukraine) -
22.
My shed has one of those locks that has a hinge and folds over. This was underneath when I stuck my fingers behind the lock. -
23.
Someone at USPS tried to fold my package with a rare record inside it, $100 gone, and now one less of them in the world.
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