“Well, there is always that time when Amsterdam sold cannons to the Spanish army during the 80 years war, only for the Spanish to fire those cannons at the city.” - Mike_for_all

“Where Abe Lincoln criticized James Shield to the point where Shield challenged Lincoln to a duel. Lincoln 6’4” vs Shield 5’9” Lincoln being the challenged party got to pick weapons. Lincoln picked broad swords ⚔️ seeing the huge disadvantage Shield had to suck up his pride and forfeit the duel.” - Stripes003

“Frank Zappa was interviewed by an abrasive radio host named Joe Pyne. Pyne commented to Zappa, “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Zappa replied, “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.” Pyne had lost his leg serving in WW2.” - argtri

“Saint Olga of Kyiv. Her husband was killed by the drevlians if I remember correctly. Their king was like maybe we should get married and consolidate our power. Which was a very bad call. She said we need to discuss this in person send your best troops to escort me to you and we can do the planning. The best troops show up and are immediately buried alive. So next she is like I guess your troops never showed up have your army meet mine outside of your city and we will celebrate our soon to be union. They agree and are like this all seems legit let’s get real drunk. Olgas troops stay sober and kill everyone of their troops when they’re too drunk to do anything about it. At this point the drevlians figure out they no longer have a military, and they are begging her for peace. They’re like name your terms and she says I want 2 pidgeons and 3 sparrows from each house. They all had thatched roofs, so they brought her the birds and said thank you leave now. She then had her men tie a little burning sulfur to each of the birds feet and set them free to fly home and burn down every single home. All as a f**k you for killing my husband.” - themightythor2024

“One general in WWII wrote to gen. Patton: "you can't take Trier wtih less then 3 divisions" Patton wrote back: "I took it with two, should I give it back?" - QiyanasStoriesYT

“More on the tame end, but in the 70s Rush’s record label was pressuring them to not make any more albums with long rock operas because it would kill sales. They went ahead and made another album where one side of the vinyl was a 20 minute song and it ended up being their biggest seller at that point in time.” - Entr3_Nou5

“Although I'm sure he wouldn't have called it a "f**k you" because he had way too much class, I'm going to say Mr. Rogers sharing a wading pool with a black man while people were fighting to keep blacks out of public pools.” - evilplantosaveworld

“Upon being handed his death warrant, the Marquis de Favras quipped, "I see that you have made three spelling mistakes." - hablomuchoingles

“That time Julius was taken as a prisoner and he was offended that his captors asked for so little hostage money so demanded that they ask for more. They did. They got it. Upon being released Caesar then proceeded to catch them and crucify them.” - HippoKingOfOld

“50 Cent bought 200 front row tickets to one of Ja Rule's concerts in 2018 and left the seats empty in response to something Ja said on Twitter.” - Blindman630

“Pete Best - whom the Beatles dismissed in favor of Ringo Starr just before they began recording their first album - released an album of his own in 1966 titled Best of the Beatles. Buyers were disappointed to find out it wasn't a Beatles compilation.” - GrumpyCatStevens

“Calvin Coolidge, one of our late American presidents, was nicknamed “silent cal” because he was a man of very few words. A person once seated next to him at a dinner said to him, "I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you." Silent Cal replied, "You lose." - Chaoticqueen19

“Bette Davis, who had a decades-long feud with Joan Crawford that lasted right up to the bitter end, was quoted upon first hearing of her rival’s death: ”You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good…Joan Crawford is dead. Good.” - VictorBlimpmuscle

“I will forever love that in ancient Greece they had to make a law against prisoners stripping naked at trial because one woman managed to acquit herself of blasphemy by way of being too attractive. After all, if she had truly blasphemed against the gods they would revoke the gift of her beauty? I have to imagine that the session where they made that law was the saltiest runback.” - SkinkRugby

“When France was invaded during WW2 they cut the lines to the elevator up the Eiffel Tower so when the nazis went to put their flag on top they had to take the stairs all the way up.” - CopperMinotaur9

“I forget the details, but one of Gengis Khan's enemies p*ssed him off so much that it wasn't enough to defeat his army and kill him. Khan also diverted a river in order to destroy the guy's birthplace.” - Altoid_Addict

“Sara Bareilles was pressured to add a "catchy love song" to her debut album. I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song was written as a "f**k you, I quit" message for the label... except it backfired: They actually liked it and they put it on the radio.” - amadeus2490

“When that dude on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?' used his only lifeline on the final question to call his dad… Not to ask for help, but to let him know he was about to win because he already knew the answer.” - sp_40

“Minnesota took a flag from Virginia during the Battle of Gettysburg in the American Civil War. Since then, Virginia keeps asking for it back, saying that it's their heritage. This is my favorite rebuttal: In 2000, when Virginia legislators requested the Southern Cross flag once again, Gov. Jesse Ventura said: “Why? We won. … We took it. That makes it our heritage.” - YourGrammarIsBad25

“I've always been fond of the exchange between John Montagu and John Wilkes, both British politicians in the 18th century (Montagu was also the 4th Earl of Sandwich, the namesake and possibly inventor of the sandwich). During one of their many verbal battles, Montagu reportedly spat at Wilkes and said, "Upon my soul, Wilkes, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox." Wilkes replied, "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." - cerebus19

“King Philip II of Macedon sent a note to Ancient Sparta saying: “You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city.” Ancient Sparta replied to King Philip’s threat: “If." - spaycedinvader

“A personal favorite of mine has to do with Dante Alighieri (writer of the Devine Comedy, the first part of which is Dante’s inferno) Aside from the fact his poem the Inferno itself is a self insert fan fiction where Dante gets to say “f**k you” to the people he didn’t like, one of the best stories actually happened following his death. His hometown of Florence kicked him out years earlier but eventually learned of his fame and influence and decided to claim him back from the city of Ravenna where he lived his last days, and they were like “No! Our famous poet!” So Florence got the Pope himself involved and forced them to give the remains back so Ravenna relented but instead they sent the monks an empty coffin. The monks actually looked in and found nothing but couldn’t exactly let everyone know that they committed a bit of a major taboo so they just let the matter go and Dante remains buried in Ravenna to this day (far as I know.) I can just imagine Dante’s spirit rolling with laughter at even in death he bested the city he once loved and grew to resent.” - Story-Enchantress16

“In 1962, a wealthy Italian businessman met with Enzo Ferrari to discuss his displeasure with the famous luxury sports cars. His chief complaint was that the clutches didn't seem to hold up well. Ferrari responded, "The clutch is not the problem. The problem is you don’t know how to drive a Ferrari and you break the clutch.” The businessman happened to have founded and owned a successful tractor manufacturing company, so he knew a thing or two about vehicles. He was incensed at the reply, and not only vowed to never buy another Ferrari, but to begin building his own supercars to show Ferrari how it was done. And today, the cars of Ferruccio Lamborghini are famous worldwide.” - FlashpointJ24

“Joan of Arc’s trial was known to be tedious as the Church tried their hardest to find grounds for a conviction. In an attempt to trick her, she was asked whether she knew if she was in God’s grace. Since the Church believed no one was able to know if they were truly in God’s grace, either a yes or no could be condemnable. She responded by saying, “If I am not, may God put me there; and if I am, may God so keep me”. Reports on the trial say that the court was stupefied by her deft answer. It was basically a mic drop in the face of the Church at the hands of what they saw as an illiterate and heretic farm girl.” - bluewolfgirl

“When the Royal Navy had finally cornered and were engaging the German warship Bismarck, one of the ships in the task force was actually made up of Polish navy crewmen who had escaped the country after the occupation. As the crew fired upon Bismarck they used their lights to signal the message "I am a Pole" for the Bismarcks crew to see.” - TehBigD97