Does “no take-backs” apply to wedding invitations?

Associate Writing Professor Sheila Liming found herself wondering exactly that after landing an “Un-save the Date” for a friend’s upcoming nuptials.

Received a “Save the Date” for a friend’s wedding in Chicago, followed (about 2 wks later) by an “Un-save the Date” explaining that they had decided to have a smaller ceremony with only family & close friends and I am no longer invited.

— Sheila Liming (@seeshespeak) July 17, 2023

“Received a ‘Save the Date’ for a friend’s wedding in Chicago, followed (about 2 wks later) by an ‘Un-save the Date’ explaining that they had decided to have a smaller ceremony with only family & close friends and I am no longer invited,” she lamented on Twitter.

Within hours, her post had gone from casual complaint to the catalyst for a Twitter-wide debate, with thousands of users weighing in on how serious of an etiquette faux pas they considered revoking a wedding invitation in such a manner to be. 

“This is hella tacky. Least you can do is call the people you don’t plan to invite anymore because you’re downsizing,” replied @ieatzebra, one of several users arguing that a phone call would have been a more appropriate means of un-invitation.

“Ooh, somebody did the fun parts of planning a wedding before discovering how much everything costs,” joked @shannonbgoode.

Ooh, somebody did the fun parts of planning a wedding before discovering how much everything costs.

— Shannon Finck (@shannonbgoode) July 17, 2023

“This is so unbearably RUDE,” added @Disney_Sam728, noting that they “adjusted (the) guest list numerous times before committing to Save the Dates. Measure twice, cut once applies here!”

Oh that's not a thing. If you have to dis-invite people because your plans change, you HAVE to CALL EVERYBODY ON THE PHONE.

— Dr ShinyGoth (@GhostingDani) July 17, 2023

Meanwhile, others turned the tables on Liming, denouncing her decision to publicly post about her revoked invitation. “omg they uninvited you? the ‘friend’ that then publicly shamed them on twitter for deciding to have a more intimate wedding?” wrote @hateravenue in a scathing reply. “On a special day that is all about them and not about you at all? Crazy.”

Good for them and you should congratulate them for starting their married life by being realistic about what they can afford.
Then send a nice gift!

— Charlotte M. Freeman (@charlottemf406) July 17, 2023

Hurt feelings aside, un-save the dates don’t sound that bad. To paraphrase tech reporter Katie Notopoulos’ thoughts on the matter, “Getting uninvited to an out-of-town wedding? You’d never see us complaining.”